Not FOMO, but JOMO in 2019!

From enjoying the ‘joy of missing out’ to having more intimate time and taking off on breaks often, experts present key points to enrich your relationship in the coming year...
Planning to get fitter, work smarter and maybe travel more, this year? How about adding a personal goal to that list of resolutions? Save your relationships. For, if you have that special someone in your life, you will know that it’s never a smooth ride. Several reasons play culprit — from long work hours, to taking things for granted, the usual insecurities and more. So, as you step into 2019, we got experts to outline these red flags, so that you don’t see the ghosts of 2018’s past, in your relationship in the new year. Here’s their advice...

NOT FOMO, BUT JOMO


In today’s times, most people go through the fear of missing out (FOMO). It can create a frenzy where they are left thinking, ‘Why didn’t we go here or do this?’ But experts advise against wasting time comparing lives and instead, counting their own blessings. Says psychiatrist Dr Varkha Chulani, “I say, forget about forget about FOMO and inculcate JOMO or the ‘Joy of missing out’! Remember, when you miss going to something, you get more time with your better half. Couples today chase too many goals and there are numerous distractions that take away from spending time with each other. Instead, pursue the whole purpose of being together.”

FIND A COMMON PATH

True, everyone has different character traits, but remind yourself of what you have in common with your better half, reminds Dr Chulani. “Couples need to find a common goal of what they want to accomplish, relationship-wise, family wise, etc. It’s crucial to build a path towards which they both want to go, it could mean taking up an exercise class together or learning a language together. This leads to a sense of contentment.

They must aspire for this state of peace, and satisfaction.”

AVOID UNNECESSARY CONFLICT

Psychologist Arti Shroff warns, “The four emotions — showing contempt, discontent, anger and rage — can all affect adversely relationships. It’s okay to express annoyance or disappointment in contrast to rage and hostility as the latter create conflicts, leads to self-doubt and resentful feelings. It can ultimately destroy relationships. So, I think the important lesson this year is for couples to learn how to cope and manage with negative emotions in a better manner.”

MAKE FOR TIME FOR PHYSICAL INTIMACY

Studies continue to point out how intimacy helps sustain relationship happiness. Adds Arti, “We have been seeing that couples are not as intimate as they used to be owing to various reasons — high-pressure jobs, trying to achieve double incomes, a busy metro life, and more. But physical touch and bonding is important for relationships. It makes partners feel connected to one another as it helps secrete hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins. These help you stay bonded and increase a sense of security and comfort. Small things like hugging and touching can also facilitate bonding. So, couples must make adequate time for intimacy.”

GO ON A BREAK TOGETHER

Psychiatrist and counsellor, Dr Pavan Sonar, says, “Take vacations together, couple of times a year or even small breaks on weekends. Stress levels in metros are at an all-tine high, so couples don’t have the inclination to spend quality time with each other. This is affecting relationships. Going away together is not just a stress-buster, but also gives you time to learn something new about your partner.”

STOP BEING ‘CELL-FISH’, PUT AWAY THE GADGETS

While gadgets have their functional use and aid in longdistance relationships, studies warn about how they can corrupt interpersonal communication. They can lead to feelings of discomfort, anger and finally abandonment, and an expert has even come up with the term ‘cell-fishness’, to explain this. Texting also allows one to mask one’s emotions. Warns Dr Chulani, “I think one of the biggest things that has been going wrong is that real communication between couples has taken a beating. Gadgets

have overtaken face-to-face talk and there is little engagement and interaction. So, one of the biggest lessons that I would want couples to learn is to take technology breaks and engage with each other.”

MAKE CONSCIOUS EFFORTS

Maintaining that spark takes real effort. Says psychologist Dr Pradnya Ajinkya, “There’s no single mantra to have a happy relationship, but what is crucial is to make a conscious effort towards it. Most times, we see people in a relationship for so long, but they let things slide and take things for granted. Then when things go wrong, the first choice seems to be to move on. Instead, couples need to show a full presence in the relationship and keep the effort ongoing between them. The key is transformation instead of separation.”

APPRECIATE MORE

Last, but not the least — count your blessings every day. Thank your significant other for being in your life. Kindness and gratitude are positive emotions and help rewire the brain by replacing negative thoughts. They also bring about a sense of value.